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Why do most men avoid accountability?

While the following thoughts are certainly true for my sisters in Christ, being a fella myself, I will discuss the accountability avoidance that tempts men.

Campus ministry presents an incredible opportunity to establish, equip, and send out men of confession who embrace the need for accountability. If we can get this right, we will see exponential fruit in other areas of life, including personal evangelism and disciple-making.

We avoid accountability, not knowing God uses it to pour out grace and restoration that results in joyful worship.

Why do most men resist accountability? Fear? Perceptions of what a “real man” is? Lack of friends to trust? Bad experience with a small group? It’s possible to have a little of all the above. That makes it easy for a man to feel justified in being an island, a Fort Knox, a “protective” man.

The problem is revealed when we expose the true end of accountability, which is, glorifying God.

“Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God”(1 Corinthians 10:31, ESV).

When God is the object of my worship and affections, I do everything I can to know Him, see Him, drink of Him, receive from Him, and rest in Him.

Accountability is a tool to break the chains of our affections that bind to whatever or whoever is promising a greater joy. Accountability is an idol crusher and a springboard for authentic worship and life-change.

What accountability is not

  • Accountability is not about looking like a “strong Christian”. This term has unfortunately led many to not get help and produced prideful, hurting, and lonely people.
  • Accountability is not a path to become a moral person.
  • Accountability is not an attempt to pass the bible reading, memorization, evangelism and purity test.
  • Accountability is not a way to modify behavior.
  • Accountability is not a time to beat or abuse one another.
  • Accountability in and of itself does not show one’s humble dependence upon God.
  • Accountability does not remove one’s “man-card.” Ironically, men who elevate “manhood” while shunning accountability display a lack of true manhood. They maintain an appearance of togetherness and strength out of fear of exposing brokenness and weakness. A man who seeks to worship God with his whole heart, mind, strength, and soul is a picture of true manhood. He knows that true Christian fellowship through accountability will help these things develop.

What accountability is

  • Accountability is a time of drinking deep from God through straws of confession.
  • Accountability is a time of restoration, rebuilding, and worship.
  • Accountability is a way to magnify the great grace of God.
  • Accountability facilitates humility in order for God to be cherished, loved, and magnified.

The aim of the world, our flesh, and the Devil is to sever God-worship and replace it with anyone and anything else to worship. From our first days, we do not trust God and seek to find happiness outside of Him. We build our protective walls and make decisions behind them thinking we know better and that God is withholding goodness. Because of the fall, we seek to remove ourselves from His great wisdom and counsel. We seek to build and protect our “kingdoms”. Even after we become new creations, still, we tend to not trust God daily.

Accountability says,

“Brother, help me! I am drinking from broken cisterns, my passions are misguided, I need Jesus, I want to delight myself in the Lord…I’m worshiping lesser gods and need your help….bring a sledge hammer…bring three or four(cause I’m feeling like a “strong Christian”)…get me out of my self- induced Fort Knox….get me off this island….bring your swords….let’s put on the war-paint….let’s look to the battle plans….let’s get at it…..let’s get at these roots deep within my heart that are choking out my joy and those around me…I.MUST.SEE.JESUS…WE.MUST.SEE. JESUS….let’s talk, confess, pray and trust in God’s promises together through the power of the Word and Spirit…let us worship Him together.”

Or just,

“Hey man, let’s grab breakfast or lunch later this week alright? I need to run some stuff by you.”

Whether they know it or not, many men avoid accountability because they are avoiding God. Deep down they are deceptively happy with self worship. Many men avoid accountability, not knowing that God uses it to pour out grace, forgiveness and restoration that results in joyful worship.

May the Lord put men around us to fight for our joy in God, men who will go into battle with us and for us so that we may breathe deep the breath of God and exhale peace and praise.

My whole life I have sung Onward Christian Solider thinking of going out into the world, while the greatest battle is in my own heart. I need a band of brothers.

  • jhunts5

    As always – right on the money Marcus. One of our greatest struggles on the path of manhood – being vulnerable with our brothers. Lots of excuses not to be, but it really does cripple when we don’t. And it steals glory for ourselves. Thanks for sharing!

    • Marc Lewis

      Thanks for being one of the guys who would let me be stupid, so you could help me see Jesus.